Time has Healed nothing!

We grieved together then,
We grieve alone now
We grieve still.

In unspoken words,
In unshared memories,
In letters read in solitude,
In pictures met only with silence.

Tears shed only where they are washed away
Words said only for you to hear.

Time has healed nothing.

I am the Music

 Oh mind, why do you tire?

You only find a way to my true desire. 

Oh body, why do you soften and lay still? 

After all, you but undertake my heart's will. 

I seem to have lost my way, 

I have been asking everyday, 

Where is the sun? I see only the cursed dark.

Where is the happy? the world seems numb.

Where is the music? There's only the deafening silence.

Savagely, I peel away 

At the burns, the scars and the stains, 

At the weak, the withered and the dead. 

Today, I rest, when within I find

I am the light. 

I am the happy.

I am the music. 

Will it and it will happen

Walk,
Even if your feet are crumbling
Walk ahead,
Even when your heart is trembling.

Burn,
Even if the rains are pouring with no respite
Burn stronger,
Even if only out of spite.

Fly,
Even if your wings are broken
Fly higher,
Till your soul has woken

Your heart will lead the way
Your weakness will drift away
Your withering body will find a way
Your excuses will fade away
Your strength will make a way
Your soul will break away

And all that will remain is you and your will.

When you left

The day dawned with no light,
For you took it all with you,
And we were left staring into the night,
at the face that was all that was left of you.

I know not how to go on,
without you to show me how,
what will I do with my newborn,
who will show me now?

I am left standing here,
never to feel your love again,
to hug you, kiss you or hold you near,
only an empty embrace with pain.

My home is gone,
only your house remains,
all of us in it, yet alone,
with your memories  in the rains. 

Walking Ahead and Walking Alone


The road you are on is never easy,

For you walk alone,

You move on ahead anyway,

For you can never look back,

There can be no resting,

For you can not ever just stop,

Through the storm you will tread,

For you will still burn,

You pay no heed to the fading voices behind you,

For you only see what’s ahead,

You walk ahead, you walk alone,

For the road is never easy.

Still Waters....still no more.

I stare at this wall,
Mighty and tall,
That's kept you out,
Near me, but out,

           My love, I need you to stay,
           Stay close, hold me as you lay,
           Be my strength, my light,
           Even in my darkest night,


Even in the harshest rain,
On the other side you shall remain,
And you can never see,
Never really know me,

     
           I can see in your eyes the pain,
           As you will and plead again,
           For me to open the door,
           But I choose to ignore,

For my love, If I let you in,
To all that I am and been,
I fear your tears will pour,
And the still waters shall remain still no more.

Keep on walking!

If they answer not to thy call walk alone,

If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,

O thou unlucky one,

open thy mind and speak out alone.

If they turn away, and desert you when crossing the wilderness,

O thou unlucky one,

trample the thorns under thy tread,

and along the blood-lined track travel alone.

If they do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm,

O thou unlucky one,

with the thunder flame of pain ignite thy own heart

and let it burn alone.

                                                                                                  ------------ Rabindhranath Tagore

Today, the war is done,

and today you have won.

Ill carry my shame tonight,

with lullabies of the fading light.

But tomorrow I will wake,

and a solemn oath i will take.

Tomorrow, another war there will be,

with all I have there I will be.

I will walk every turn,

Through the rain I will burn. 

All I do is wait...

I look up at the stars above,
and wonder what is this love,
You have no name, just an empty embrace,
so I keep running my race,
All I do is wait.


      I watch the clouds pass above,
      I know now what is love,
      that warmth of your embrace,
      but I still keep running my race,
      All I do is wait.   


I look at the moon in the dark night sky above,
I ache for the one I love,
for that mark I can hold in my embrace,
and yet I keep running my race,
All I do is wait.


      I look at the vast empty sky above,
      and I wonder my love,
      why I long for that tomorrow with your embrace,
      but today, I keep running my race,
      And all I do is wait?

Know!

Faith knows not, of a wall,

stand for, stand tall.

Thirst knows not, of a quench,

dig deeper your trench.

Desire knows not, of a deny,

reach out for that sky.

Vision knows not, of an end,

look past the bend.

Dream knows not, of a boundary,

fly high and fly free.

The world knows not, of you,

shine through your colors true.

Another tear for you!

I lie here wrapped in his arms,

wishing they were yours instead,

for you are my true prince of charms,

dreaming of you I lay down my head,

I wake another day to the pain,

of knowing we will never be,

incomplete I shall forever remain,

for you never did belong to me,

and I wonder as I watch the dark sky,

if the tides of change have passed through you,

my unending love you will now deny,

and all I can do is shed another tear for you!

Here I lie with an empty embrace,

caught at a crossroad,

a future holding her hand in mine I face,

a past with her that I just cannot watch erode,

I want to spend my life watching you smile,

and I would turn the world for you,

how do I tell you it will take a while,

before the day dawns that's just for me and you?

How do I to make you see,

That my love is undying and true,

though your hand in mine may never be,

and all I can do is shed another tear for you!

I lie here yearning for your arms wrapped around me,

wondering what it is that I should feel,

as once again sleep evades me,

the dawning skies watch my eyes as they appeal,

Anger, pain, fear and guilt come and go,

like they own me now,

And I try and look deep in my heart where I know,

you've taken over all of it somehow,

I know you cannot let go of the hand that cared,

And I know I want no life without you,

So I sit here helpless and scared,

and all I can do is shed another tear for you!

Empty within!

I walk on through the night and through the day,

I move on, paying no heed to any say,

I look up at the rain of tears as they fall,

but I keep at it, I scale up the wall,

As I watch the world pass on by,

I see not the evil, not the dark, nor the lie,

Only the light, the beauty and the bliss I choose to see,

and I smile, for that is all there is to me,

I spread my joy and love to all around,

as pain and despair push them to the ground,

As I pass the rainbow and reach the other side,

I look, but find no pot with gold inside,

Dark clouds gather and win their war,

waves of agony lash at me with no bar,

There are no happy endings I now know,

There was never any bliss that looked to grow,

I let the light inside me fade and die,

With nothing more to give, look here I lie.

Fearless with you by my side!

I may have found my way home after you,

and yes, it could have been you first,

I maybe lying where your head once was,

But its mine now and I am the one here,

Its where all my beginnings end,

Its where all my roads lead,

Its where I rest all my fears,

Its where I am me,

You can still call it yours,

you may believe it too,

but we both know that's a lie,

one I can not stop you from believing,

I know our sun shines will be bright,

and sparkling stars shall shine our night,

Ill hold his hand,

and he will hold mine,

not because he has to,

but because he chooses to,

for he has made a believer of me,

and that was a miracle meant to be.

There was a day when I lay my life in his hands,

with the fires, skies, winds and waters my witness,

you may never know what that means,

but he has made a believer of me.

And so I will rest all my fears,

for I believe, in the gods of fate,

I believe in the strength of that promise,

I believe in that raging fire in my own heart,

I have laid my trust in that part of me,

that you call yours!

Mind without fear

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high,

where knowledge is free,

where the world is not broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls,

where the words come out from the depth of truth,

where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection,

where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way in the dreary desert sands of dead habit,

where the mind is led forward by thee into ever widening thought and action,

into that heaven of freedom, my father, let my country awake.

-Rabindranath Tagore

PhDs!!!

Its not the engineering you did, Its not the statistics issue you resolved, its not even the genetic code you cracked.

No. When you walk away with a PhD degree, it is not an acknowledgement to your contribution to your field of research.

It is in fact an acknowledgement of all the days you spent struggling to learn some very important lessons.

You discover that you never get things right on the first go. Hell you do not get it right even on the second, third or for that matter on the tenth go. The PhD teaches you to brave the disappointment, look past the pinch of failing, and try yet again.

You discover that the science that surrounds your tiny little world of quest is overwhelming.The PhD teaches you to be OK with feeling that sense of stupidity even on the day of your thesis assessment.

You discover that things are never in place and you are forever in a world of unknowns. The PhD teaches you to find the strength to continue solving your puzzle with a hope that things will fall into place at the right time.

You discover that you do not get a gold star even when you have published your first paper. Nothing you do seems good enough. The PhD teaches you that this is the secret behind pushing yourself into doing a better job.

Of course, having a supervisor who knows when to cut you some slack and when to hold your neck to a knife helps. Sharing an office with others who have equally scarring stories also helps. Having friends who will barge into your room and drag you for dinner when its been days since you have left the vicinity of your desk is a blessing you cannot be thankful enough for. Having best friends who complain about your lack of communication, but still love you none the less is priceless.Having parents who will silently listen to you vent about all the frustrations is more than what you can hope for. Having that special someone who will see you through all your mood swings and tell you that he loves you every single night....is probably what what will make all of this worth the struggle.

And finally having a backup plan,like a career in music, is well... common sense!!

I will always have my swords drawn.....

A couple of years back, I caught myself falling into what seemed like an abyss. Armed with the burning anger manifested into this determination to win the war, I started to climb back to where I could stand with the skies only just out of my reach.

Every step forward was a struggle. Every night brought new fears, and every day was spent proving them wrong. Anger, fear, pity, sorrow, guilt were not emotions I could feel anymore, but had each become a mighty enemy I had to fight to win. Battles have been lost but I was always ready for the next one.

And then came this day, when he struck me before I could even draw my sword. There he stood, with the same eyes that mocked me years ago. Time had not softened his spirit one bit. He had returned to see what was left of me. When he left, he knew he had pushed me further this time and I could not climb back up.

I lay in the dark corner, broken still. I dint think I had the strength and courage to start all over again. This time though, there was a difference. I was not alone. I have hands that will help me up. I have in me the spirit and love of one that will see me through it all. And so I start again....I start to climb back to where I can stand with the skies only just out of my reach.

Every step forward is a struggle. Every night brings new fears, and every day is spent proving them wrong. Anger, fear, pity, sorrow, guilt are not emotions I can feel anymore, but have each become a mighty enemy I have to fight to win. Battles are being lost but I am ready for the next one.

I will always have my swords drawn.......

The unknown road.

Glories of gold, Victories, oh so very fine!
always a win, always a brilliant shine,

It was a land where she achieved all she wanted,
Her way was almost always taken for granted.

As a child , she let go of the hand ,
the one that held as she learnt to balance on land,

Her eyes always searched higher in the sky,
she always looked at something harder to try,

the roads already there were never for her,
she always knew she was born to achieve the greater

she left behind all she had known,
in search of answers unknown,

battles of might were fought,
great strength in her was sought,

times with no light, no love, only the dead silence,
left her thinking of the older times and what seemed like repents,

every step broke her a little more,
but moving forward was all that she was sure

She chose to find the unknown road,
and she refused to quit and run abode,

She will stand through the harshest rains , stand with her head held high,
she will find her answers against all odds ahead that lie.

Building my wall again.

I pick another brick and place it over the wall,
It feels heavy but I continue to build it tall.

I look again at what I am shutting out,
It fills my heart again with doubt,

A life of smiles and the love of friends,
who saw me through the changing trends,

and all I could give in return,
was a gruelsome word or a look of scath and burn,

So I decide to live here again,
within these walls that carry memmories of pain,

I pick another brick and place it over the wall,
It feels heavy but I continue to build it tall.

Within a thought.....

With every day that ends,
the hands of thought so it bends,

A faded blend of colors
streched clouds of showers

Abysmall depths of thought
in void spaces of doubt

Infinite loss
to an empty engross

Innumerous roads
with trifling modes

innocence in mellow,
naivete in yellow,

What it is that makes it so,
I might never know.

Crying Alone on the seas

Prologue

I see him there now, alone on the sea,

With tears in his eyes, he seems so unfree.

He doesn’t seem like the person I once knew,

It’s as though life has passed him through.

I approach him now, with a fear in my heart.

I approach him now, with a feeling of guilt on my part.

Lost in his thoughts, he’s looking the other way.

As I reach out for him, I realize I don’t know what to say.

Wiping away his tears, he waits a while,

Sensing my fear, he manages a smile.

With a comforting look, he turns towards the sea,

In a calm and steady voice, he says to me:

Main

On a lonely, grey and dying day,

When the winds have just begun to play,

& the shadows have emerged from the trees;

If you see me crying alone on the seas. .

Don’t look at the reflections from the past,

Don’t try to remember the memories that are dying fast.

Please don’t feel guilty when you face the breeze,

Just because you saw me crying alone on the seas.

Live your life the way you vowed,

Live a life that will make me proud.

Don’t ruin it all just trying to appease,

The guy you saw crying alone on the seas.

The heart does things one can never explain.

Whether it is a solitary grief that cannot contain,

Or an overwhelming bliss that is trying to ease,

One can end up crying alone on the seas.

Some things are still not understood by all.

Things, that forever enthrall,

Things that can make a person go week in the knees,

And possibly make him cry alone on the seas.

It’s the unexplainable joy that came his way,

That even years of despair couldn’t take away,

And it’s the magic in the love that he still sees,

That makes him cry alone on the seas.

Epilogue

Yet another tear starts its descent,

As I see her walk away from me, content.

Soon she will be out of my sight,

And I’ll turn towards the sea, who knows my plight.

An ocean of memories he holds inside,

So many weep beside him, yet he never cried.

He can see my dreams right through my face,

Unlike her though, who never saw a trace.

I can’t let her know, it’ll be too much.

There’s not a lot that can be done about it as such.

And so, closing my eyes, I turn towards the sea,

To return to the dream that could not be.

This is from a friends blog- officially the only love poem I have managed to love.

Anshu- You cant sue me for this!!

The blues... and so life goes on...

Walking through a meadow of mellows,
the pinks and the whites and the bright yellows,

everyday is a like waking to my best dreams,
birds chirp of happy tunes as the sun smiles and beams,

Heels and skirts, all a beauty to see,
all a show of what is not to be,

What it is that gets me down, is unknown,
what it is that is missing I need to be shown,

In the silence of the desending dark night,
In the shivering cold of the moonlight,

mounted on this window sill,
staring at nothing but the still,

I try again in vain to see the truth , to find my bliss
with every passing momment a whiff of life I miss

**********************************************

I cannot but wonder if there is a certain schedule that the human mind is designed to follow, if there is a certain biological cycle that mekes the mind function the way it does. It seems like the mind requires a change of emotional status with passage of a certain period of time.And this is not a change that is locally observed, it has significant effects on other functionalaties of the human body, for instance the heart. Or is it that this thing that we assume to be a biological organ of vital importance, is the source of emotions and the mind is but a pitiful puppet ?

In a life that is filled with nothing but the best of one's dreams, why would it be impossible to find bliss? Its a life with "magic beans" and a what a priceless collection at that! Its a life with not a single regret, not a single complaint. Its a life with all the wishes coming true. And yet it seems such an effort to smile, such an effort to feel happy!

After a lot of thought into this, I realise I have always been staring at the truth.
If it were not for the blues and sorrows one would never know how precious bliss is. It would just be something that is taken for granted.

The mind is a funny player. It changes with time and I am glad that it refuses to stay in this state of sorrow for too long a period.
And so the next day dawns bright as it should be. Until the next time the mind decides its time to change, Ill bask in the sunlight.
When it is time to be back in the blues, Ill welcome the change. For I know how priceless it is to me.