PhDs!!!

Its not the engineering you did, Its not the statistics issue you resolved, its not even the genetic code you cracked.

No. When you walk away with a PhD degree, it is not an acknowledgement to your contribution to your field of research.

It is in fact an acknowledgement of all the days you spent struggling to learn some very important lessons.

You discover that you never get things right on the first go. Hell you do not get it right even on the second, third or for that matter on the tenth go. The PhD teaches you to brave the disappointment, look past the pinch of failing, and try yet again.

You discover that the science that surrounds your tiny little world of quest is overwhelming.The PhD teaches you to be OK with feeling that sense of stupidity even on the day of your thesis assessment.

You discover that things are never in place and you are forever in a world of unknowns. The PhD teaches you to find the strength to continue solving your puzzle with a hope that things will fall into place at the right time.

You discover that you do not get a gold star even when you have published your first paper. Nothing you do seems good enough. The PhD teaches you that this is the secret behind pushing yourself into doing a better job.

Of course, having a supervisor who knows when to cut you some slack and when to hold your neck to a knife helps. Sharing an office with others who have equally scarring stories also helps. Having friends who will barge into your room and drag you for dinner when its been days since you have left the vicinity of your desk is a blessing you cannot be thankful enough for. Having best friends who complain about your lack of communication, but still love you none the less is priceless.Having parents who will silently listen to you vent about all the frustrations is more than what you can hope for. Having that special someone who will see you through all your mood swings and tell you that he loves you every single night....is probably what what will make all of this worth the struggle.

And finally having a backup plan,like a career in music, is well... common sense!!

I will always have my swords drawn.....

A couple of years back, I caught myself falling into what seemed like an abyss. Armed with the burning anger manifested into this determination to win the war, I started to climb back to where I could stand with the skies only just out of my reach.

Every step forward was a struggle. Every night brought new fears, and every day was spent proving them wrong. Anger, fear, pity, sorrow, guilt were not emotions I could feel anymore, but had each become a mighty enemy I had to fight to win. Battles have been lost but I was always ready for the next one.

And then came this day, when he struck me before I could even draw my sword. There he stood, with the same eyes that mocked me years ago. Time had not softened his spirit one bit. He had returned to see what was left of me. When he left, he knew he had pushed me further this time and I could not climb back up.

I lay in the dark corner, broken still. I dint think I had the strength and courage to start all over again. This time though, there was a difference. I was not alone. I have hands that will help me up. I have in me the spirit and love of one that will see me through it all. And so I start again....I start to climb back to where I can stand with the skies only just out of my reach.

Every step forward is a struggle. Every night brings new fears, and every day is spent proving them wrong. Anger, fear, pity, sorrow, guilt are not emotions I can feel anymore, but have each become a mighty enemy I have to fight to win. Battles are being lost but I am ready for the next one.

I will always have my swords drawn.......

The unknown road.

Glories of gold, Victories, oh so very fine!
always a win, always a brilliant shine,

It was a land where she achieved all she wanted,
Her way was almost always taken for granted.

As a child , she let go of the hand ,
the one that held as she learnt to balance on land,

Her eyes always searched higher in the sky,
she always looked at something harder to try,

the roads already there were never for her,
she always knew she was born to achieve the greater

she left behind all she had known,
in search of answers unknown,

battles of might were fought,
great strength in her was sought,

times with no light, no love, only the dead silence,
left her thinking of the older times and what seemed like repents,

every step broke her a little more,
but moving forward was all that she was sure

She chose to find the unknown road,
and she refused to quit and run abode,

She will stand through the harshest rains , stand with her head held high,
she will find her answers against all odds ahead that lie.

Building my wall again.

I pick another brick and place it over the wall,
It feels heavy but I continue to build it tall.

I look again at what I am shutting out,
It fills my heart again with doubt,

A life of smiles and the love of friends,
who saw me through the changing trends,

and all I could give in return,
was a gruelsome word or a look of scath and burn,

So I decide to live here again,
within these walls that carry memmories of pain,

I pick another brick and place it over the wall,
It feels heavy but I continue to build it tall.

Within a thought.....

With every day that ends,
the hands of thought so it bends,

A faded blend of colors
streched clouds of showers

Abysmall depths of thought
in void spaces of doubt

Infinite loss
to an empty engross

Innumerous roads
with trifling modes

innocence in mellow,
naivete in yellow,

What it is that makes it so,
I might never know.

Crying Alone on the seas

Prologue

I see him there now, alone on the sea,

With tears in his eyes, he seems so unfree.

He doesn’t seem like the person I once knew,

It’s as though life has passed him through.

I approach him now, with a fear in my heart.

I approach him now, with a feeling of guilt on my part.

Lost in his thoughts, he’s looking the other way.

As I reach out for him, I realize I don’t know what to say.

Wiping away his tears, he waits a while,

Sensing my fear, he manages a smile.

With a comforting look, he turns towards the sea,

In a calm and steady voice, he says to me:

Main

On a lonely, grey and dying day,

When the winds have just begun to play,

& the shadows have emerged from the trees;

If you see me crying alone on the seas. .

Don’t look at the reflections from the past,

Don’t try to remember the memories that are dying fast.

Please don’t feel guilty when you face the breeze,

Just because you saw me crying alone on the seas.

Live your life the way you vowed,

Live a life that will make me proud.

Don’t ruin it all just trying to appease,

The guy you saw crying alone on the seas.

The heart does things one can never explain.

Whether it is a solitary grief that cannot contain,

Or an overwhelming bliss that is trying to ease,

One can end up crying alone on the seas.

Some things are still not understood by all.

Things, that forever enthrall,

Things that can make a person go week in the knees,

And possibly make him cry alone on the seas.

It’s the unexplainable joy that came his way,

That even years of despair couldn’t take away,

And it’s the magic in the love that he still sees,

That makes him cry alone on the seas.

Epilogue

Yet another tear starts its descent,

As I see her walk away from me, content.

Soon she will be out of my sight,

And I’ll turn towards the sea, who knows my plight.

An ocean of memories he holds inside,

So many weep beside him, yet he never cried.

He can see my dreams right through my face,

Unlike her though, who never saw a trace.

I can’t let her know, it’ll be too much.

There’s not a lot that can be done about it as such.

And so, closing my eyes, I turn towards the sea,

To return to the dream that could not be.

This is from a friends blog- officially the only love poem I have managed to love.

Anshu- You cant sue me for this!!

The blues... and so life goes on...

Walking through a meadow of mellows,
the pinks and the whites and the bright yellows,

everyday is a like waking to my best dreams,
birds chirp of happy tunes as the sun smiles and beams,

Heels and skirts, all a beauty to see,
all a show of what is not to be,

What it is that gets me down, is unknown,
what it is that is missing I need to be shown,

In the silence of the desending dark night,
In the shivering cold of the moonlight,

mounted on this window sill,
staring at nothing but the still,

I try again in vain to see the truth , to find my bliss
with every passing momment a whiff of life I miss

**********************************************

I cannot but wonder if there is a certain schedule that the human mind is designed to follow, if there is a certain biological cycle that mekes the mind function the way it does. It seems like the mind requires a change of emotional status with passage of a certain period of time.And this is not a change that is locally observed, it has significant effects on other functionalaties of the human body, for instance the heart. Or is it that this thing that we assume to be a biological organ of vital importance, is the source of emotions and the mind is but a pitiful puppet ?

In a life that is filled with nothing but the best of one's dreams, why would it be impossible to find bliss? Its a life with "magic beans" and a what a priceless collection at that! Its a life with not a single regret, not a single complaint. Its a life with all the wishes coming true. And yet it seems such an effort to smile, such an effort to feel happy!

After a lot of thought into this, I realise I have always been staring at the truth.
If it were not for the blues and sorrows one would never know how precious bliss is. It would just be something that is taken for granted.

The mind is a funny player. It changes with time and I am glad that it refuses to stay in this state of sorrow for too long a period.
And so the next day dawns bright as it should be. Until the next time the mind decides its time to change, Ill bask in the sunlight.
When it is time to be back in the blues, Ill welcome the change. For I know how priceless it is to me.

The stars do what they do!

Every passing momment brings closer this dream,

A dream enchanted with all the stars ever seen,

The wait seemed like a walk on the moonlit sands,

waves singing merry of the far away lands,

This breeze that blew my way set all my smiles free,

I left all my tears behind, let my sorows be,

I am walking toward the sunlight, leaving the night behind,

Im off to get my dreams, treasures waiting for me to find.

But then I realise, there is still an empty space,

blue thoughts seem to drag my pace,

He's not here to make this dream feel complete,

I cant make out a face, he's in love, I can hear my name repeat,

I wish I could let you know too,

But I need to let the stars do what they do,

I have to wait to see who you are,

Till then Ill be here in my dream, empty and bare.